Monday, August 29, 2011

Miscommunication---and saying Sorry

I was just talking with my mom a few minutes ago about how important it is for men to say they are sorry. It is simply needed in relationships. Of course girls need to say it too...but it means more to the woman if the man doesn't say it. To my mom I pointed out: "Chris says sorry all of the time." She laughed at the thought, so I went on to explain. It doesn't necessarily mean he was wrong but that he understands that what he did or said hurt me, even if he didn't mean he is sorry. And he means it (that's important too). To emphasize my point I told her a story which I want to share so I will remember it:

Sometime this summer we were having dinner and dessert at a friends house on a Monday night. If you are not a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints you may not know that Monday nights are set aside as a family night for Family Home Evening, or FHE. We used to do combined FHE often when we were newly married and when Sebastian was young and didn't really get much out of the lessons so we had lessons with our friends so that we could start the tradition early, before our kids even could participate. Anyway, FHE normally includes a lesson (including scriptures and songs), an activity, and the beloved treat. Our friends had invited US over so I didn't do any of the planning. We had a great time eating dinner together then the kids went off and played in the basement while the adults played a game. After a while the kids came up and we all had dessert. While we were eating I asked, "Anyone have a quick lesson they could share??" So that we could still keep the foundation of FHE intact for the week. Chris was the only one who replied, and he replied with "Don't Be Dumb."

I was hurt. Chris NEVER talks like that to me. I tried to justify his behavior, he said it laughingly like he thought it was funny to call my idea dumb. I thought maybe he was trying to be funny in front of our friends...but he had taken it too far. Normally, I would react instantly and set him straight. But seeing as they didn't come to my rescue either, I figured I would just let it slide and tried not to think about it. The rest of the night went fine and we had a nice visit with our friends and with our kids together and we went home.

At least a day passes by, if not more, and it keeps coming up into my mind. I can't let go of it. It was so out of his character. It really hurt that he had treated me that way, justifications aside. We were about to do something together (I bet it was Wednesday night b/c that's our first free night together after Monday) and somehow I found a way to bring it up. I prefaced myself so I didn't come off mad and I hoped he wouldn't be mad at me for bringing up something that was probably forgotten to him. But I said it, and told him how it made me feel. His first response was to contradict it. He would never say that. But when I reassured him that I was certain he said just that. He thought back to the situation and then I think he probably let out a simple laugh as he went on to explain.

He had said "Don't be dumb," but he wasn't talking to me in the way he thought he was. He was giving me what I wanted, a lesson. "Don't Be Dumb" was his idea of a quick lesson for our kids. At that point I think I started to cry. I felt so relieved. And it made sense, I couldn't believe the misunderstanding. And it really had hurt me, but it didn't need to. Even though he wasn't in the wrong, he poured on the apologies for the fact that I thought that, that I felt that. He understood how I heard it and just plain felt bad. He went on to tell me that he wouldn't talk to me like that, and so on. His next comment was simply that he was impressed that I didn't call him out on it right then and there. Like I normally would. Then finally, "I hope our friends didn't take it that way!" I probably should clear that up, though I am not sure they even heard what had passed between us.

Anyway. It was a great moment. I felt so relieved. I am so glad that I didn't just "let that one go" seeing as I couldn't actually let it go. It would have just kept eating at me, but for no reason. It is like that with a lot of things. Lots of books and counselors will tell you to let things go but, at least for a woman, that can be a hard thing to do. I find it healthier to simply say it like it is. As soon as is possible, let your spouse know that you were hurt so that they can either explain themselves or simply say sorry. When your spouse does the same thing to you....instead of getting defensive about how it wasn't your fault that they feel bad, just say sorry. That's all we really want to hear. We want to know that we are cared about and that our loved ones don't mean to or want to hurt us.

I am so grateful to my dear, sweet husband who is so loving to me. He says sorry all of the time. He tells me how great I am and how much I mean to him. He encourages me and loves me with all that he is. I am so lucky.

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Runaround without accomplishing anything...

So I finally decided it was time to break down and get a Utah license. I skipped Idaho altogether and was all Washington there with my license and car, but after a year in Utah and my license and car registration both expiring, and looking at the law...I decided it was time. My birthday is coming up so yay, it's time to renew my license. Who thought of such a wonderful gift?? I was planning on going this week sometime but the week slipped by quickly. Chris went out of town Wednesday morning for Scout camp with the boys from our ward. So now I need to find someone to watch the kids while I go do it. Today (thur) I decided Friday would be best, but then I looked at my notes and realized it was closed on Friday. My friend Mandy was just about to put her son down for a nap so 4:30 was the best time for her. So I am cutting it short since the office closes at 6, but that's enough time if you have the right information. I scoured the website multiple times to make sure I had everything. In Utah you need either passport or birth certificate, previous license, social security card or w-2, and 2 things to prove where you live (from their list). I could not find my passport! But I read it again and saw that I could just bring my birth certificate and thought, perfect, I have that on hand, no big deal. So I go to the office. I watch three people get sent away for not having the right identification and I am thinking, I have got it all, there is no way I can be denied. I haven't photocopied anything, I have it all. So I pull it all out and the man is nice enough, until he sees my birth certificate with Dickson and everything else says Sant. That's when he tells me I have to have something verifying the name change! I pointed out that my SS card was changed and my license and they definitely checked that before...but no i had to have my marriage certificate. Why couldn't that have been written in the bullet next to you can also bring your birth certificate, but be sure to bring documentation for the name change. I looked online just now and found the words but it was in the paragraph before all of the listing of documents needed so I hadn't read it. It was there though, annoying.

So, there was no Utah license for me today, it takes at least 10 minutes to get from the south end of Logan to North Logan...its only 5 miles but it takes some time. Since my friend was watching the kids though I figured I could at least finish up my registration requirements and get that done. I already had the safety inspection 2 weeks ago and got my windshield replaced, I just needed to finish the paperwork at the DMV. Chris tried to do it before we left for Washington for Jeremy's wedding but when he came in with the registration and safety inspection the lady at the office asked "which vehicle are you trying to register?" Chris, a little annoyed, says "Subaru Forester" (duh!). But then the lady pointed out that the registration was for the subaru but the safety inspection was for some completely different car, a honda or something. When Chris took the car in to get the safety inspection switched from fail to pass the guy must have neglected to type washington license plate in b/c he printed out a safety inspection for a utah license plate with the exact same number! What chances that that would be in his same system. Whatever, it took a while but Chris got the correct one printed out but didn't have time to take it back to the DMV seeing as they are on different sides of town. Anyway, so I have the new safety inspection with me and figure it will be a piece of cake. The lady looks at my info and says "the vin numbers don't match. This one has an A and this one has an 1." My initial reaction was annoyance at the car shop. Really they messed up again?? So I just left and wen on to the car shop to have them fix there mistake. What I should have done is gone outside and looked at my vin right there....but instead I drove to the shop, then looked at it. Their vin number was correct, the wa registration had it wrong! So for almost 5 years the vin has been wrong...maybe forever since wa doesn't really check. So then I had to figure out what to do from there. I found the number for the DMV to ask them just that. All I need to do is to get a second vin verification and then I can take that it along with the registration and safety inspection and should be good to go. So now i have a trip to the Police station to have them vin verify and I should be golden.

Plus, I found my passport once I looked a little harder. I would have looked harder if I hadn't seen that I could bring my birth certificate in instead. I guess it makes sense that I would need something telling of the name change seeing as there would be no connection from my birth certificate to anything else. How would they know that Elizabeth dickson really is Elizabeth Sant now. Maybe I (Elizabeth Sant) just stole Elizabeth dickson's birth certificate. Haha. Whatever. It should all get worked out but not until Monday. Just kind of funny. amazing how many things can not work all in one hour.

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Carnival Cruise

May 1- May 8
Carnival Cruise

It was so wonderful to go to on another vacation alone with Christopher. I am so grateful we were able to do it. Thanks to Mother Mary! She came and watched Sebastian and Paige for 10 days while we were in California and Mexico. It really was heavenly. So wonderful to reconnect and not have to worry about anything. It was awesome. We went on a cruise for our honeymoon so it was kind of nostalgic going again. It was also a good redo to fix the things we wished we would have done differently like bringing the right clothes so that we could actually eat in the dining room and so I could use my black dress =). It was awesome, really, the whole thing. We stayed with Alex Nicely beforehand and with my Uncle Tom afterwards.

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Korbin and Sebastian

It was so fun to be with Acacia, Cynnia, Korbin, and Jace for the time we were in Washington and while I watched them. Korbin and Sebastian were especially connected. Korbin just adores Sebastian and Sebastian adores him. He has talked of him many times since we have been home. I had to capture some of the sweetness. Love you Korb!

This last picture was taken on the first day we got to Washington. Paige was crying for the last 20 minutes of our 7 hour trip (driving, waiting, and flying time) and Sebastian decided he was done too so they were both pretty clingy to me when we got to Kay's house. Korbin and Jace were instantly there to greet us though and tried to win over the took less than 15 minutes before they had my kids' total trust and adoration. Such great kids!

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Paige Sant and Seven Dickson

Rob (my brother) and Jessica came to off the island to come visit us and so that Paige and Seven could spend some time together. It was Saturday May 20th for a few hours and it was so nice. Paige and Seven were hilarious together and so cute! Seven is just 4 days older than Paige.

Flying with the Kids! May 16 & June 2

Saying bye to Dad in the Salt Lake airport (he stayed home)

Ready to go with the kids for their first flying experience! Off to Washington for 2 1/2 weeks. I watched my sister Kay's 4 kids for 10 days and then had some play days before and after.
Smiles...they loved it!
Heading onto the plane for the flight home

We were some of the last to get off so I decided to point out the cockpit to the I was trying to get Sebastian's attention the stuartist asked if we wanted to go in closer. The pilots then got out of the way and invited us up and even asked if the kids wanted to sit in their seats. Paige sat down, but Sebastian got a little Paige decided she didn't like it either, then we left. It was fun though. Not many people have had that experience and they got it at ages 2 and 4!

Oh yeah, Paige wore her squeaky shoes to the airport both times and it was great! I felt like I wasn't going to lose her (or Sebastian, seeing as I made them walk together when I didn't have their hands) and it made so many people smile!

They really did great! I was super pleased with them. Only problem was Sebastian for the first few minutes in both airports. Both times he fell asleep on the way to the airport. In Salt Lake it wasn't too bad because he woke up on his own, but he was grumpy because he had to pee and at least I had Chris there with me to deal with him. Once we had a bathroom break he was happy again and we had a great time getting ready for our first flight together.

But when we arrived in Seattle for the flight home I had to wake up both kids to get out of the car and into the airport. Sebastian was a psychopath all of the way through security. He just could not wake up or become normal....finally we stopped I talked some sense into him and we were okay after that. We got some Wendy's and sat at the huge center windows and watched the airplanes.

Paige's birthday and The Quilt

Jeremy and Bethany came up to share Jeremy and Paige's birthday on April 15th. It was so good to see them and have them in our home.

Here is the quilt that I made her. The large pink squares are a paisley material surrounded by brown w/pink polka dot rectangles and argyle mini squares. The backing was pink flannel with paisley binding. It took some time but it was worth it. A few weeks later we found two bed frames so now the kids have matching bed frames with their homemade quilts on top.